Getting involved

I was thinking while driving (once again!) yesterday afternoon as I returned home from taking daughter to work. I was thinking about how something is wrong with hinge on my laptop. Then I started thinking about how much we use the internet as a family and I thought about how that has grown over the years, and then my thoughts were taken to a situation that I currently find myself in with my son.

My two older kids each have a Facebook page. My husband and I are both their "friends," which I think is really important. I knew it was important when we solicited their "friendship" and I see how important it is now.

My son and his best friend are currently at odds with one another. There is another boy involved, a third party whose arrival on the scene has put a bit of a wrinkle in my son's friendship with the other boy. Now, in my experience, when it comes to female friendships, three is always a crowd; the potential for conflict is exponential when there are three friends. I didn't think it was so with young men, but apparently, I'm wrong about that.

The long and short of it is that between the three of them, their argument is being broadcast all over their Facebooks pages, which means that literally hundreds of people could be watching what is going on. This trio of friends have a separate group Facebook page for their "band," a musical endeavor which, while fun, produces very little meanigful content. Well, despite the meaningful content, egos are inflamed, and as a result, the band Facebook page has been a venue for insult-exchanging which is being observed by the many members of their individual Facebook pages as well as the group Facebook page. I am members of all three boys' Facebook pages as well as the group page, and have seen what is happening.

I finally had enough of it last weekend and instructed my son to start deleting nasty comments. These boys all have friends who don't know Christ and who see this happening. It is a terrible testinomy to an unbeliving group of people to see these boys behaving like this. The situation is still currently not great, but this has been very instructive to me.

This is a no-brainer, but we must, as parents, be aware of what is going on with our kids when they are online. It is imperative. This is a fairly minor situation compared to some others. This is a character issue and addressing it is fairly straightforward. My response to this is to highlight to my son the need to have integrity in his relationships and to demonstrate Spirit-led character. Diffusing the situation is time-consuming and frustrating for me, the but answer is quite simple: discuss with these boys what they're doing and encourage them to be loving and kind to one another. These are Christian boys here, and they all come from solid homes and should know better.

The situations young people can find themselves in because they are frequently online are many. I often wonder how many parents read their kids' Facebook pages. I have a lot of teenagers as my friends; I see some of what they write, and I know their parents are unaware. We have to be aware. If a child is reluctant to let you read his Facebook, MySpace, blog, or whatever, that is a signal that you need to press the point.

I'm a little alarmed at how the young people conduct relationships online. There is a certain comfort and freedom when we're communicating online that doesn't extend into face to face contact. We will say harsh things online that we wouldn't say face to face. We also say personal things online that we wouldn't say face to face. And then when we see that person, we're embarrassed.

Since the advent of Facebook in our home, my husband and I have had many opportunities to talk to our kids about privacy, discretion, and putting up of images on the internet. It's been said before by many other more worthy communicators than I: monitor what your kids are doing on the internet, and if they are reluctant to let you, simply unplug it. It isn't worth it.