The Wife's Domain

It's Friday, and Leslie and others of us are thinking again of Martha Peace's book The Excellent Wife, specifically chapter 8. I just finished a year-long study of this book with some young ladies at my church. It was a blessing. Reviewing this book is proving, as always, useful.

This chapter discusses the fact that a wife's primary focus ought to be keeping and maintaining her home. Peace says:

A godly wife is organized and works hard to operate her home with the least possible chaos. She also creates and optimistic, joyful atmosphere for her family.

The wife's responsibility in the home is twofold: the practical housekeeping aspect, and her attitude with regard to that job. Peace discusses Proverbs 31 and points out the numerous "domestic" tasks that the woman tended to. Furthermore, she cites Titus 2:3-5, pointing out that the older women were to teach younger women to be "workers at home." The idea behind this passage is that for a young woman, being at home is a pre-requisite for being a "keeper at home."

Peace points out that this idea of a woman being a keeper of the home is not a popular one. I would venture to say that having the "freedom" to work is, among many women, a sacred cow we dare not touch. We should not suggest to any woman these days that perhaps she should be at home with her children, or we run the risk of infringing upon her "rights."

Peace suggests that there are good motives for working and bad motives Bad motives include a desire for material things, to avoid becoming a "non-person," to be out from under the demands of child rearing, or to relieve her children of the need to work. Good motives would be to assist in the financial stability of the home or to be obedient to her husband. If the couple has debt issues, the intent would be for the wife to contribute with a goal of reducing the debt and then allowing her to return home. There are some husbands who may want their wives to work, and in that case, the wife should submit. That does not exonerate her, however, from still maintaing the home. If she feels that working would cause her to sin or neglect this primary responsibility, she needs to approach her husband with this biblically. There are also occasions when a husband is ill or dies, and work may be necessary. Peace talks about this situation briefly, suggesting her conviction that the church ought to support a widow in order to keep her at home. That is however, a separate issue of its own. No matter what her status, married or widowed, or divorced, the wife is still responsible for keeping the home. It simply becomes a more difficult juggling task.

Peace warns against perfectionism in the home; while a clean and orderly home is a testimony to a godly wife, if she puts cleanliness above the people in her life, perhaps her motives need checking. We will likely all never get to the end of lives and wish we had managed to have cleaner floors. Spending time building relationships with our children is a wise use of our time. Being a stay-at-home wife does not guarantee that a wife will be productive, however. For the past eight years, part of my life as a woman who is at home has involved home schooling, and that takes up a lot of time. In September, I will not be homeschooling any longer, but that does not mean I should be lazy and waste time. Part of being a keeper at home is keeping the home. While I'm sure I'll find some spare moments for some things I enjoy, I am also looking forward to doing more little "extras" around here.

Peace ends the chapter with a discussion about a woman making the home a joyful place:

The "tone" God wants her to set is one of joy, optimism, and a delight in the Lord and in her family.

The wife is not to communicate to her family that her job of caring for them and her home is an onerous "cross to bear." Rather, the wife ought to view it as a demonstration of her obedience to the Lord who would only ask good things of His children. Part of that atmosphers includes taking an interest in what others are doing, looking for ways to serve them, and showing affection. I don't think we women often realize how our mood can set either a very negative tone or a very positive tone. I have been told by my own children that when I am upset about something, it affects the entire atmosphere of the home. It's something to keep in mind as we go about our day, whether that involves working outside the home or not.

The issue of working women can be a very slippery slope. Women get very defensive when their freedom to work is challenged. Women have always worked. People who think it is only in the post World War II era are mistaken. Women, before the advent of industrialization, worked in cottage industries alongside their husbands. They were farming, weaving, spinning, or whatever the business their husband was in. When industrialization and urbanization came along, work became divorced from the home for both men and women. Women went to work in factories. The image of the "housewife" who has time on her hands is a fairly recent thing. However, the motives for working at those times were probably more for financial reasons. Today, it is viewed by many, even among Christians, that women are not "complete" if they don't have a career.

I believe that there are women who need to be at work simply for financial reasons. I know a few working women who would love to be at home, but must have some kind of income because they really do need the money. I also know women who are working because they really believe they are "non-persons" because they don't have a job. We live in a society that evalutes the usefulness of individuals based on what they "do." I think it simply a product of the economics-driven society we live in. Personally, though, I don't know how working women do it; especially those who are full-time.

Aside from the absence of someone to tend the home regularly (many have housekeepers, so I suppose that is one way of maintainig the home), who is there when the kids get home? Who is there to drive the kids to music lessons, pick them up after a game or start dinner? The mental exhaustion of parenting teenagers, alone, would make staying home very attractive if I was working. There are serious issues with teenagers. To have one's mind cluttered with the stresses of work and then to come home to the stresses of teenagers would be overwhelming to me. And if mother is working, how can she open her home to her children's friends? One of the ways to build a joyous, happy home is to be hospitable. Hospitality is reduced dramatically if mother is working.

I know a young lady who will graduate high school quite soon. She is not sure what she would like to do after high school as far as post-secondary schooling. She confessed to me that she really would like at some point to be at home full-time with her children. She's not having that desire met with a resounding approval. She's actually getting criticism from people quite close to her. While I am fully committed to having an education, and I believe that it would be good for young women to pursue it after high school, I think any young girl who looks ahead and desires to be a woman who is at home full-time with her family ought to be encouraged, not DIScouraged.

I have been at home full-time for eighteen years. I have had bad days, but I have never regretted my decision. I am not perfect, but I have learned to be self-disciplined and use my time well. There have been innumerable moments even over the past year when unexpected things come up and it has been a good thing that I am here. The important thing is that whether we work part-time to help support the finances of our home, or full-time, our primary responsibility is our home. What we need to do as women is embrace that responsibility as a gift from God.