I was taking a few minutes yesterday to poke around at a few blogs. I only allowed myself about thirty minutes or so, because I had things to do, but in that time, I noticed a very familiar theme among blogs of women with younger children.
There is something quite interesting that happened to me at the time when my oldest child was about eleven years old; her brothers were 8 and 6. It was evening, about 7:30, when I looked up at my clock. I was at my desk doing some homeschool marking and organizing, and it occurred to me that I had worked without being disturbed for about the better part of an hour. Peace had reigned in the house for the past hour. My daughter had been watching something on television, and the boys had been playing in their rooms. I enjoyed that feeling as well as the one that accompanied it when I ran the bath water for my 8 year old, and confidently left him to complete his bath without having mother standing over him. By this point in time, my oldest child was capable of showering herself in the morning, so I really only had to supervise the 6 year old. That left me with another 20 minutes or so to finish folding some laundry and put it away. By 8:30, all three kids were in bed, either asleep or reading. It was a very important moment.
It was the moment at which the hectic part of having small children began to lessen. When our kids get to that 6 and beyond stage, and can cut their own food, zip their own coats, tie their own shoes and make their own little beds, there is an element of freedom that is valued by the woman who previously felt incapable of having a moment to even use the bathroom without having someone waiting on the other side of the door. Whenever I hear a young mother talk about how difficult the days are with little ones, I share that story. I remind them that there will come a point where they have a little more room to breathe.
My children are older now. And often, it is tempting to look back at when they were young and wish for those days when they were younger. But we have to remember not to dwell too long on that activity. After all, we have children with full expectation of them growing up. And I have enjoyed (and not enjoyed!!) all stages of their lives. I don't want to look back an mourn for when they were little, because that seems to me to say that I don't enjoy being a parent right now. Well, there are times when parenting teenagers is absolutely not fun, but it's all too easy to get nostalgic and sentimental about their younger years and forget about how hard it could be at times. Parenting isn't supposed to be a walk in the park. It's a big job. It's huge. It's making disciples. That's a tall order for us weak humans. And we go into it blind. I have three children, but each one of them is different. There are different dynamics involved. Parenting a 13 year old (my youngest child) is different compred to when the other two were thirteen because on the other occasions, I was a different age, had different circumstances, and the other two were different ages. We go into the parenting game with each child not knowing exactly what we will confront. And let me tell you this, parenting teenage boys is indeed vastly different from parenting girls. While we have the same moral and behaviour expectations, the practical workings of those guidelines differ. This is why faith is so important; the only thing that doesn't change is God and His promises to sustain us and to bless our efforts to raise up godly children for His use.
So, why am I posting this? Well, when I read these posts by women bemoaning the stage of small children, it was very tempting of me to have the condescending attitude: "Just wait until those kids are teenagers! Then you'll have issues!" So I asked God to remove that uncharitable thought from me, because I realize that every stage of parenting is hard. It is work. It is the work of a lifetime. Sometimes, my brain is positively weary with the conversations that must occur as I deal with these people who are quickly becoming adults.
The only thing that remains consistent about all children is that they have independent, often rebellious little hearts and it is only through the power of the cross that those little hearts can be molded and shaped for His glory. So, as I read those few posts about the fatigue associated with parenting, and the internal struggles of one mother who asked, "Who was I before I became a parent?" I saw my own sense of frustration and fatigue. It is hard parenting teenagers. Truly, it is. While there are beautiful moments where we see a glimpse into the adults they will be, it is very hard to fight against the world with our teenagers. And no, homeschooling will not solve all of our ills, nor will Christian school, nor will memorizing the catechism, nor will memorizing bible verses. Those things will help, but the struggle with all of us begins in our hearts. And it is the heart where we have to focus our efforts with our children. What are we helping them to place in their hearts? If we are diligent in placing godly wisdom, spiritual truth, and biblical understanding into their hearts, then the rest is up to them and their relationship with their Saviour through the power of the Holy Spirit.
