All of our children are expected to call our adult friends Mr. and Mrs. The vast majority of our friends have children who calle us Mr. and Mrs. Shay. The kids at our youth group call us Mr. and Mrs. Shay. It was kind of unnerving last summer, when we were at Camp of the Woods, and one of the teens asked to call me "Kim" since we weren't in a formal setting, and he was calling the other adults by their first names. I said yes, but I said I didn't know what his parents would think about that, and that when we were home, he had to switch back. I think it felt a little funny on his tongue, because he only did it once or twice, and then it was back to regularly scheduled programming.
There is a young man -- well he's not all that young; he's about 30 and just became a father -- who called me Mrs. Shay repeatedly after being told he could call me by my first name. He was over 25 and married when this went on. He doesn't have any problem now. His wife is a former Sunday School student of mine, and it was less of a process for her, but I still had to tell her to call me by my first name.
I like that attitude. That attitude of deference. I am not superior to these young people in any way on a human level. But they both respected the fact that I am older than they are, and that practically-speaking, have a bit more life experience. It's a sign of respect. It's just a courtesy, but to show it requires a lot of humility, and that's something that's in short supply these days.
One of the young people of my acquaintence phoned here a couple of months ago, wanting to speak to me, and he called me by my first name. I was totally taken aback. I am not entirely used to having young people call me by my first name. But he's from outside our church and immediate circle of friends, and it's not like that in his church. That's okay. I really didn't mind. He demonstrates his respect for Neil and me in other ways, anyway. But I have noticed now that when he greets me on my Facebook, or is around me, it's Mrs. Shay. He's simply following the example of his friends.
I know that this kind of thinking isn't popular with some people. When we lived in Saskatchewan, my friends' kids never called me Mrs. Shay. I didn't really like it, but I put up with it. I like it that my kids' friends show me respect. Not that I want them to grovel, but the simple fact is that I am older than they, and I am more mature than they. Sometimes, I'm sure I do things that don't deserve respect, like maybe I am careless or not as thoughtful as I ought to be. They still respect me. And that makes keeping their respect even more important to me. And we expect our kids to show respect to our friends. Some day, they will call our friends by their first names. With our daughter, it will be sooner, because she's moving out into the adult world a little more. With the boys; well, they still need to regularly show the respect to their elders that is expected, and then when they are a little older, they will be invited to call them by their first names.
I'm probably just old-fashioned.
