Boxes

Don’t you love to remember the funny things your children say? Sometimes, the innocent toddler’s perspective on something gives pleasure and laughter to a situation. Our favourite is when Garrett told us that “Jesus wipes away our sins with a dish towel.” He was about three at the time.

When kids get older, they do say funny things, but equally as often, they say very profound things, and often those things are a little sad because they reveal to us that our children are grown up and losing some of that naiveté that we love about them. It means that part of their innocence is leaving them. We’ve noticed this with our daughter, who will be sweet 16 this summer. She’s a smart girl, but she is very naïve in a wonderful, sweet sort of way. She takes things very literally, sometimes causing us to laugh. She told me once that she didn’t want to be “nice” anymore. She said “I want to be cynical like you, mom” to which I replied, “Give it time; you will be.” I was kidding, but in the past few weeks, I have seen that there are things that are indeed making her if not cynical, a little more discerning.

One of the things she does not like about being home schooled, is that other people put her “into a box” when they find out where she attends school. She believes that if she went to public high school, there would be no more “boxes.” Are any of you laughing out there? Do you all remember the infinite number of boxes there were in high school? The jock box, the beautiful people box, the geek box, the athlete box, the nerd box, the pot-head box. Boxes, boxes everywhere.

I had to enlighten my daughter about these boxes, and I told her that she would very well end up in one of two boxes: the brainiac box or the Christian box. I told her that I am put into a box because I home school, and more recently I’ve been put into the “dissident” box at my church because I have had the audacity to complain about some of the youth events recently. She was truly, truly shocked that adults do this. “Adults put people into boxes? But, why? I thought adults were more mature.” Well, now, isn’t that a curious assumption. While adults are mature, we are not always wise, and yes, we do put people in boxes.

I was put into a box quite recently here in my little space in the world, my blog. I posted about my kids listening to rock music one weekend, and someone left a comment, but not a name, only her initial. It was a harsh comment. She questioned my parenting skills. She named some of secular artists she and her husband listened to, and indicated that they were more favourable choices. How could I allow my children to listen to such music? She said she believed that this blog was not the kind of blog she should be reading. There: I was safely put into the box of “permissive parent” based on that one entry. I think I know who the person was. I shrugged it off; but it did sting.

Putting people into a box is easier than getting to know them. Getting to know someone takes time and effort. It takes listening to them, asking them questions, and seeing their hearts insofar as they will let you. I am very easy to get to know; ask anyone. I am open (probably too open) and honest, and I wear my emotions like a garment. There are a few ladies who read my blog who know me so very well despite never having met me personally. A few who have met me have got to know me even better just through written word. But they don’t put me into boxes, because they are the kind of people who want to get to know me. They give of their time to know me; I appreciate that.

Sometimes, putting people into boxes satisfies our desire to be judgmental to other people; we can point a finger at the other guy and say “Well, at least I’m not like him” and we feel better about ourselves. Kind of like the Pharisee who stood praying to God, thanking Him that he was not like the tax-gatherer, who meanwhile was beating himself on the breast and asking for mercy. It’s much easier to get our self-esteem from the mistakes of others rather than finding it within God: that would be work and the gratification is not nearly as instantaneous.

Even within the Church, we put others into boxes, and the boxes are little “behaviour” boxes. One person will not dance, so he condemns those who do. Some ladies like to wear pants instead of a dress, so the ones who wear dresses conclude that the ones wearing pants aren’t bringing their “best” to church on Sunday morning. There are some who follow along with a certain parenting guru; anyone who does not follow along is put into the “permissive parent” box. After this exercise, we sit and wonder why our churches are not more unified. Personally, I believe unity in the church comes from unity of belief, not unity of behaviour. Behaviour is motivated by belief, not the other way around. If we look for unity among our brothers and sisters in Christ through behaviour alone, then we are not practicing the faith; we’re practicing behaviourism.

This morning, I read some verses in Ephesians: I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing the forebearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3 NASB.

The word “forebearance” is translated “tolerance” in other versions. The word, in the original Greek is marothumia, which, according to Zodihates Word Study Bible means: “patientce; self-restraint of the mind before it gives room to action or passion…The person who has power to avenge himself, yet refrains from the exercise of this power.” I like the last phrase; it sounds alot like we're to show like mercy, doesn’t it? This is how we are to treat the members of the body. I’m not even going to think of expositing the minutiae of what constitutes the body of Christ, because I am not a theologian, and there are people who address that issue with more eloquence and skill than I. I will say that I am not going to assume to read anyone’s heart; if a person tells me he is a part of the body of Christ, and hence part of my body, then I will do my best to take his word for it unless I see some glaring error that makes his claim obviously incorrect.

I feel bad for my daughter that she has come to the realization that there is always going to be someone hanging around who will stereotype her and lock her up in the appropriate box, but I’m glad she’s learning it now, while she is young and optimistic, and has parents who are here to talk to her along the way. I found out much later in life that the boxes are stubborn and won’t go away. On the up side, though, there will always be those who take the time to know her. I just have to encourage her to work toward that unity in the Spirit herself and not be tempted to pack anyone up into a box.